Federal prosecutors, working in conjunction with the Treasury Department, have arranged a plea bargain with Bernard Madoff, the convicted felon whose fancy financial footwork cost investors billions of dollars. Madoff will see an early release from prison and will complete his sentence doing community service as director of the Social Security Administration.
The undersecretary for the Bureau of Retirement On Key Entitlements says the former head of NASDAQ brings unique qualifications to the job. “We’re in bad shape,” says Les Funds. “By 2017, Social Security will be paying out more than we take in. We need someone with a ‘magic touch’ to grow the system while still allowing us to burn the candle at both ends.”
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says that putting Madoff in charge of Social Security is either a publicity stunt or a good example of government learning from the private sector. Bloomberg told WNYC’s radio audience last January that “Madoff’s isn’t the biggest ponzi scheme ever. – that’s social security.” When asked to comment on today’s announcement, Bloomberg rolled his eyes and said he’s running out of political parties to quit.
Editor’s Note: This post was first created as a submission to the New York Public Radio outlet WNYC for a Satire Slam! on 4/28. It was selected as a semi-finalist in that competition.
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